I have a 16 y/o son with ADHD and let me just let you know - it does get better. When he was 13, things got so rough that we went to a counselor who specialized in helping ADHD kids. He informed us that ALL boys have their absolute lowest levels of dopamine that they'll ever have around age 13. This makes 13 y/o neurotypical boys frustrating to parent at that age due to forgetfulness, disorganization, lack of impulse control, etc (which I can validate bc my other, neurotypical son is 13 now). It (obviously) makes it even more difficult for boys with ADHD, who already operate at a dopamine deficiency. Learning this helped us SO much as parents during that time
My 16 y/o is now thriving in a college prep high school and has grown so much from those middle school days of "why did you not just turn it in if you already did the work?!?!".
You are correct, it doesn't define them, but it doesn't mean it doesn't affect both them and you as parents. Keep supporting, learning, and advocating for him the best you can and know that it does get better!
Just know you are not alone - this house is currently located in that 13yo swamp with you! I keep reminding myself his brain is just EXTRA right now because of puberty, not to mention the ADHD. But figuring out how to manage my own reactions to not-great behavior takes a LOT of deep breathing.
I also have a 13yr old son who has ADHD. And we found out I have ADHD at the same time so parenting a kid with it while I’m trying to learn how to parent myself with it was like trying to fly a plane while you’re still building it. Last school year was absolutely awful. The intensity of emotions for all of us were so much to bear. There were many days where I didn’t think I could do it. And now, this year has been so much better. Accommodations are in place at school. He’s getting most of his work done. He’s found his mojo and he has soccer (which he’s quite good at) which is a huge support outside of academics. You will get there and you’re going a great job Dad!!!
My daughter is neurospicy also, and I understand some of your frustration. Not knowing if what you're dealing with is ADHD or typical teenage behavior.
Being able to vent, to your wife and therapist, as well as social media, can be helpful. And letting your son know continually that you really do love him even though he's, well, awful right now 😁😁 it will get better.
I have a 16 y/o son with ADHD and let me just let you know - it does get better. When he was 13, things got so rough that we went to a counselor who specialized in helping ADHD kids. He informed us that ALL boys have their absolute lowest levels of dopamine that they'll ever have around age 13. This makes 13 y/o neurotypical boys frustrating to parent at that age due to forgetfulness, disorganization, lack of impulse control, etc (which I can validate bc my other, neurotypical son is 13 now). It (obviously) makes it even more difficult for boys with ADHD, who already operate at a dopamine deficiency. Learning this helped us SO much as parents during that time
My 16 y/o is now thriving in a college prep high school and has grown so much from those middle school days of "why did you not just turn it in if you already did the work?!?!".
You are correct, it doesn't define them, but it doesn't mean it doesn't affect both them and you as parents. Keep supporting, learning, and advocating for him the best you can and know that it does get better!
Just know you are not alone - this house is currently located in that 13yo swamp with you! I keep reminding myself his brain is just EXTRA right now because of puberty, not to mention the ADHD. But figuring out how to manage my own reactions to not-great behavior takes a LOT of deep breathing.
I also have a 13yr old son who has ADHD. And we found out I have ADHD at the same time so parenting a kid with it while I’m trying to learn how to parent myself with it was like trying to fly a plane while you’re still building it. Last school year was absolutely awful. The intensity of emotions for all of us were so much to bear. There were many days where I didn’t think I could do it. And now, this year has been so much better. Accommodations are in place at school. He’s getting most of his work done. He’s found his mojo and he has soccer (which he’s quite good at) which is a huge support outside of academics. You will get there and you’re going a great job Dad!!!
My daughter is neurospicy also, and I understand some of your frustration. Not knowing if what you're dealing with is ADHD or typical teenage behavior.
Being able to vent, to your wife and therapist, as well as social media, can be helpful. And letting your son know continually that you really do love him even though he's, well, awful right now 😁😁 it will get better.