When Good Parenting Goes Wrong
It Doesn't Look Like I'm in Charge of Jack Sh*t
I got some bad news recently and I’m still reeling from it.
I considered starting a GoFundMe but I’ve never been one to ask for charity. And I hesitated writing about it because the feelings are still so fresh. But perhaps after learning of it you’ll keep me in your thoughts.
Upon becoming parents, mothers and fathers have many hopes and dreams for their children, and sometimes these hopes and dreams can even become blueprints and plans. Therein lies madness, of course; it’s foolish to plan a future for a person who has barely taken a breath let alone formed a personality. Most of us learn pretty quickly that the most important hopes we can have for our children is that they find contentment within themselves, and that the biggest dream is that they find some measure of happiness out in the world.
But that doesn’t stop us from wanting specific things for them, and sometimes from them. Even the most evolved parents can’t help but be heartbroken when that doesn’t happen, and it can make you question yourself and your parenting.
I’ll just spit it out: my son didn’t like Die Hard.
It’s my own fault, really. Probably. I rushed it. I forced it down his throat. I made him watch it when he was already tired, when he’d already had a weekend full of movies, when he clearly wasn’t in the right mood.
Who tf isn’t in the right mood for Die Hard? I’ll watch it right now! Maybe my son is the problem?
Of course my son isn’t the problem, that’s rude. After all, he’s become a big fan of many of the movies I’ve shown him, from Star Wars and the MCU to Indiana Jones and even Rear Window. So he has pretty good taste already, and is willing to watch movies from older eras that don’t exactly share the same pacing or production values/special effects his generation is used to. It’s clear he’s on his way to following in my movie-mad footsteps. Maybe he just doesn’t like action movies.
Who tf doesn’t like action movies? This is America!
And that’s not exactly true anyway. This was one of the first “grown-up” action movies he’d seen—everything else has featured fantasy violence of the superhero/sci-fi kind; he hasn’t seen much in the way of movies that feature machine guns and real people and blood (aside from when we visit my parents and they throw on the nightly news). But he’s seen, and enjoyed, others!
Full disclosure: I’ve been sitting on this news for a while. I actually tried showing Die Hard back in December (don’t make me explain again). Since then he’s seen Aliens and Speed and several other grown-up action flicks. I even showed him Predator, which he liked (but not enough!!!) So it may have actually been the aforementioned circumstances (tired, burnt out, ungrateful).
The good news is we didn’t get all that deep into the movie - I could tell he wasn’t feeling it, so I pulled the plug and went and cried in my room - so that gives me another chance to try again.
Obviously, GoFundMe jokes aside, this isn’t a serious issue (though I will accept donations - via the subscription button below - to mend my broken heart and bruised ego). In the long run, it hardly matters if my son doesn’t like one of my favorite movies, a critically-acclaimed action classic that is universally regarded as the apex of its genre. That’s his loss.
But from a parenting perspective, this is a real thing. Passing interests and hobbies and opinions down to your kids is one of the privileges of being a parent, for better or worse, and sometimes it chafes when your kids don’t latch on to them. It’s happened before (Detective Munch hates sports!) and it will happen again (if he doesn’t appreciate The Godfather he might end up sleeping with the fishes).
Thankfully, I have another child, and between Detective Munch and The Hammer, I’ll have multiple chances to indoctrinate at least one of my kids into my favorite movies, including the greatest action flick ever made.
Somebody is coming to the party, pal, whether they like it or not!
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Last weekend, I wasn’t feeling well, but I had passes for an advance screening of Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3, and despite the fact that I had to take the subway all the way up to Lincoln Center (that’s an hour from my spot in Brooklyn), I knew my son would love it, so off we went. I won’t lie, the MCU movies don’t hit like they used to, and most of the time they just wash over me without much of a reaction. This one wasn’t that different, but, much like my son with Die Hard, it may just be me.
It’s long as hell (2.5 hours!), there are some funny moments and good performances, there are some dark moments involving Rocket (I hated the villain, and not just in the way you’re supposed to), and both post-credits scenes (one in the middle, one all the way at the end) did nothing for me. This is definitely the James Gunn-iest Guardians movie yet (I hope you like weird creatures!) and I hope he’s gotten some of that stuff out of his system now that he’s helming the Superman reboot.
My 12yo loved it, of course (he especially loved the deployment of the MCU’s first-ever F-bomb, so be ready for that crowd-pleasing moment!) I liked it well-enough, but I was under the weather and have some superhero fatigue, so I may not be the best judge. Weirdly, I think the Gamora stuff was my favorite part; typically I don’t care about her character. Maybe it’s the green skin.
Turns out we had a bit of a Marvel weekend, because on Sunday we watched the first Iron Man with The Hammer (not Justin Hammer, nerds; he doesn’t show up til the sequel!) He sort of missed these movies - his older brother was already deep in on them by the time The Hammer could watch, so what he has seen has been out of order and in pieces. So we decided to start from the beginning and see how it goes. He liked it!
On the adult side, we watched the new John Mulaney Netflix special, a version of which I saw at MSG over the summer. Funny stuff, though not exactly for kids — unless your kid is Drew Barrymore. And last night I fell asleep listening to The National’s new album. Which is not a dig. After winter, in your bedroom in the dark is the next best place to listen to Matt Berninger.
Hilarious.
Also, John Mulaney, not for kids unless your kid is Drew Barrymore OR Henry from Boston 😂 I thought the special was really good too.
1) Please accept my deepest sympathies about the "Die Hard" shock. That movie was definitely peak Bruce Willis.
2) Going to see the new GOTG this coming weekend. Can't wait.
3) Saw John Mulaney live last October. It was just the second show he did coming out of rehab. It was very funny, albeit very, very raw (in terms of his personal discussions). He is absolutely brilliant, IMHO.