As I mentioned in Friday’s newsletter, I’ve officially entered the toddler section of my book (Friday book updates are for paid subscribers, so upgrade if you want the details!), and it’s got me reminiscing a little more fondly than I anticipated. Because while the toddler years have plenty of challenges, being a parent of an almost-teenager is making me wish for the days of baby proofing and potty training.
I’ve heard this before and I bet you have too. We’ve all gotten the “just wait” or “you ain’t seen nothing yet!” type of half-joking/dead-serious threat from fellow parents who are further along in their journey, and it’s never fun. Whether you’re loving the cuteness and insanity of the baby/toddler/preschool stage or hating the sleeplessness and butt-wiping, no one wants to be lectured about how much worse things are going to get once you get out of whatever mess you’re currently in.
But it’s definitely gonna get worse.
I’m sorry. I don’t want to be a hypocrite (at least not to adults; I have no problem being a hypocrite to my kids, it’s one of the pillars of good parenting!) And it’s not exactly that it’s worse, per se; it’s just different. You trade in the diapers and the middle-of-the-night feedings and the reckless behavior for social issues and academic problems and actual differences of opinion on how to handle all of that stuff (and also for reckless behavior). My oldest son is 12, in 7th grade, and I don’t just have a moppet now, I have a person with real problems of his own. And it is hard as hell.
It’s easy to do what you think is best for your baby or toddler; there’s no pushback! They barely know what legs are let alone why they shouldn’t shove them into electric outlets or strange dogs’ mouths, but if Mommy says so that’s fine by me, she’s the greatest and most perfect person in the whole world! It’s not so easy to convince your middle-schooler that he should shower or eat breakfast or take notes in class or not say “that’s what she said” to the cop who pulled you over because wtf does Dad know, he’s not the boss of me!
Detective Munch hasn’t been having the easiest time in middle-school, and while we’re trying to do what’s best for him, it’s difficult to manage our objective ideas with his very subjective experience. It doesn’t help that I didn’t have the easiest time in middle-school either, and that even now, despite “knowing what I know,” I’m not so sure I’d fare that well if I took a Quantum Leap-style body-jump into my son.
Not many of us would; middle school - and the quickly=approaching high school - are legendarily fraught environments, and for good reason. Every kid develops and matures at their own pace, and every kid is doing their best to navigate an increasingly complex world in the midst of increasingly confusing mental and physical changes surrounded by a bunch of other kids all dealing with the same stuff. It’s confusing and scary and weird, and it’s probably harder to experience than it is to parent someone through it — but ask me again in 5 years.
Right now, we’re trying to help our kid balance his immediate, present-day comfort and happiness with his eventual, grown-up self-sufficiency and contentment (the bottom-line challenge of all parenting), and we’re failing left and right. Which is par for the course, sure, but those failures are far less forgiving than it used to be. As he gets older, we’re getting dangerously close to the age when mistakes, on our part and his, start to really matter, and could damage our relationships and his future.
It’s so much fun!
This shit is complicated and nuanced and consequential in a way that many of the issues plaguing parents of younger kids simply aren’t. And he hasn’t even entered puberty yet.
God help me, I think I’d rather wipe his butt.
Social Round-up
Pop Culture Stuff
We finally watched the first new episode of Ted Lasso the other night. I feel like it always takes me a minute to get back into the vibe of the show; until I do, some of the humor doesn’t hit right. I thought it was because the second season took a while to get going but it might just be because it’s not my normal vibe, or the vibe of most stuff I watch. Also it’s a bit much that Nate has gone from equipment manager to running his own team so quickly, but that’s not as absurd as Keely going from model/social media influencer to owning her own PR firm already! But hey, that’s TV for you!
We’re also watching Daisy Jones and the Six which should be good but is actually pretty meh, but it’s an easy watch while we wait for Succession! Speaking of easy, I’m currently reading Tomorrow Tomorrow Tomorrow, a pretty hyped and celebrated book about two game designers and their evolving relationship. I’m enjoying it - and flying through it! - but I’m a little surprised it got so much attention. Maybe the second half is mind-blowing? I’ll keep you posted (unless I forget to).
I don’t have Taylor Swift tickets, nor did I attempt to get them, mostly because I’m not into arena tours, and I’m definitely not into going out to Met Life Stadium and then getting out of Met Life Stadium. Plus, despite how much I love some of her songs, I’m really only into a small fraction of her output. But it looks like fun and I would totally go if someone gave me tickets and took me via helicopter.
Just putting feelers out there. 😁
Ha. This feeling continues through the end of middle/beginning of high school. We have a 14 year old freshman. Now the worries are steeped in letting him take control and independence over his future, like....adult future....at 14. Do you know, once they enter high school, THEY choose their classes (obviously still some school mandated things in their schedule) AT school and their schedule is built with NO input from you???? That's terrifying. Oh and they already don't want you around in public, but their friends like you so much, that's a win right? WRONG! That makes them want you around even less!
And you spend every day wondering if somewhere in the next 3 years this little adult will figure out what the hell he wants to do with his life or is he destined to be 30 years old still occupying a room in your house?!
And my husband and I get to do this 2 more times after him. And I'm not fooled. I know by now, I won't have lived and learned and gained any wisdom from the experience of the 1st because they will do it all completely different and leave us wading blindly again!
Good luck!
As a parent of a three-year-old with another one in the way next month, I’m actually quite glad to read this right now. I’ve felt guilty a lot recently for wishing time away somewhat, and thinking “wow won’t it be cool when they’re a bit more grown up.”
This has helped me realise that all that can wait a few more years yet and just enjoy the present moment I’m in.