I don’t know if either of my kids is gay.
I mean, in the old-fashioned sense of the term (lighthearted and carefree), my 7yo is gay as hell: he’s always happy, is usually skipping, and loves rainbows! But that’s about all I can verify right now. He’s seven.
My 12yo is a stone’s throw from being a teenager, and while seventh grade is full of kids who seem to enjoy labeling and un-labeling themselves in all manner of ways, nothing has stuck to him just yet. We’ll see!
Maybe they’ll both grow up to be gay or trans or bi or pan, maybe neither of them will be any of those things; I don’t care.
I only care that they don’t grow up afraid.
Let’s be realistic. It’s 2023 and we live in the United States; there’s no way our kids aren’t growing up afraid. Just not of drag queens or Bud Light.
There are mass shootings nearly everyday, often at schools, always in the news, forever on our minds. Yesterday, Mom and Buried and I received a series of frantic, terrified texts from Detective Munch when his middle school went on lockdown and he didn’t know why (everyone’s fine; physically, at least).
The world is a scary place right now, and I don’t just mean Florida. We all have more than enough legitimate reasons to be afraid; the last thing anyone needs to be scared of is being themselves.
My wife and I try to make sure that our kids know that, know that we love them no matter what, and that they can come to us when they’re scared or confused or just want to talk or tell us something. As parents, it’s not our job to judge our kids, it’s our job to accept them for who they are, so long as they aren’t hurting themselves or anyone else.
That’s why I occasionally share the following meme on my Instagram page:
Most people get it, but a handful get upset that I’ve seemingly equated autism with being gay. This is partially because it’s not my most elegantly phrased tweet, and partially because I have—but only in the most basic way: kids don’t decide to be gay anymore than they decide to be autistic. They’re born that way.
Regardless, the point isn’t that autism and homosexuality are the same, it’s that for me, as a parent, it doesn’t matter.
I don’t care if my kids are autistic or gay or trans or a gamer or running a Minecraft channel on YouTube or in a band or turn vegan or want to move to Canada or listen to nothing but Imagine Dragons for the rest of their lives, I’m going to love them no matter what. And I’m going to be a safe place for them to confide in me about their interest in drone racing or Pokemon cosplay or sunning their perineums (it’s a thing; don’t look it up), no matter how fleeting I suspect it may be or how tiresome it is to listen to.
There are more than enough dangers for children to worry about, I refuse to be among them.
Last night I was at a bar celebrating a friend’s birthday, and on the wall of the bathroom was a series of scribbles from people having a nasty argument over feminism and TERFs and transgender rights.
Underneath it all was this simple message, which sums up how I feel:
Nobody deserves to be mocked or threatened or assaulted or killed for being different, whether they’ve chosen to be or not.
Social Media Round-up
This section is on hiatus until Substack fixes their embeds!
Pop Culture Stuff
I still haven’t finished Ted Lasso but I’m almost there. And I remain annoyed and confused by the show’s direction. Not only is every episode an hour now, they’re also afterschool specials with big lessons and group hugs.
When the show began, it was a light and funny fish-out-of-water sitcom about an aggressively genial and annoying optimistic football coach who slowly wins over a skeptical organization and positively impacts some people along the way. In this third season, he has nothing to impact, because literally every single person in the organization is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being on earth. Every single one! It’s so boring and silly. Three episodes to go!
Blackberry is good. Hoping to catch Across the Spider-verse this weekend.
Ask Me Anything
(I posted this in Friday’s paid edition, so apologies if you’re reading it again!)
I’m going to start including an AMA (Ask Me Anything) prompt in my free Wednesday newsletters.
Click the button above to send me a question via email. It can be about me, about my book, about parenting, or about beer or movies or how I think the Dolphins are going to do this year, and I’ll answer them in my Friday paid editions. (And maybe I’ll reply to your email too, because while this is obviously a transparent ploy to get more paid subscribers, I don’t want to be rude!)
I feel glad that my kids know they can come to me with anything. Maybe too open, since my 16 year-old son feels fine talking to me about masturbation...😬. But, hey! It got him doing his own laundry a few years ago.
He told me he thought he might be bisexual in middle school, but turned out he learned that he could see that men/boys could be attractive without being attracted to them. Not that it would have mattered to us, regardless.
I wonder how often that is the case with kids when they are figuring themselves out. There are an awful lot of non-binary, bisexual declaring kids here in our small Arkansas town. 🤷♀️
My 10 year old daughter has said she is pansexual. Fine with me, but I don’t want her to be anything -sexual just yet!
This, 100%!