This morning on the way to school, I asked my 8yo if he wants to be a pilot when he grows up.
We’d been talking about the classic 80s movie IRON EAGLE, which I’d showed him over the weekend in honor of the late Oscar-winning actor Lou Gossett Jr. (Forgive me but I didn’t think my kids were up for AN OFFICER AND A GENTLEMAN just yet, even though Debra Winger 😍😍😍.)
Gossett plays Chappie (a sort of mix between Mr. Miyagi and Tom Skerritt’s avuncular flight instructor in TOP GUN) in the absolutely absurd, non-Oscar-winning 80s artifact about a high school kid who starts World War III steals a fighter jet to save his dad, a military pilot who’s been shot down and captured by a villainous middle eastern country. (Cocaine is a hell of a drug.)
Little man said no, he doesn’t want to be a pilot, because they don’t make enough money.
For context, one of my 8yo’s “things” is money. It’s not his main thing, that’s either snakes or football. And it’s not his third thing, that’s either sharks or dinosaurs. But it’s probably his fifth thing. No, wait, that’s Mark Rober. I guess that makes money his sixth thing, but whatever, he jut wants to make a lot of money. Not as much as a professional athlete (he doesn’t want to get hurt) but a lot. More than pilots make, at least, so that career path is out. (Besides, he already wants to be an engineer, thanks to the aforementioned Mark Rober.)
I’m not sure how he knows what pilots make, or why he thinks engineers are among the one percent, but he loves science and math and building stuff (those are things 7, 8 and 9) and he didn’t say “I want to be a YouTuber,” so we’re all for it.
But he’s got a ways to go before he gets a job, let alone has a career, and before we get there, I decided to use our conversation about IRON EAGLE as a teachable moment.
“Ya know, buddy, money doesn’t buy happiness.”
That’s right: I lied! Right to my adorable son’s innocent little face.
But I kept talking, and after I told him that money doesn’t buy happiness, I added some detail and gave him a more nuanced, realistic answer. I told him that while money can’t buy happiness, it can make your life a lot easier, and that it’s definitely important but it’s not the most important thing.
Speaking as a dad of two living in New York City, I’m neither poor nor rich, and I have problems that more money wouldn’t impact one bit. But I also know that not having more money definitely makes things a lot harder. Especially these days, when every single thing seems to cost at least 30% more than it used to.
It’s hard out there. And I think my kids know that, to an extent. Unfortunately. They know their mom and I can’t just throw caution to the wind and go on big vacations every year or buy that new car we need or move to a home that actually fits all our stupid stuff, but they’re also not lacking for anything that would truly impact their daily happiness. They’re doing fine, even if they are occasionally privy to conversations between Mom and Buried and I that let them know things aren’t always as easy as they might think.
No, I don’t want my kids to stress over money even when I constantly do, but I also don’t think they should go through life thinking everything is easy-peasy, because it ain’t. And in 2024, if you’re not one of the handful of billionaires hoarding most of the world’s wealth by hook and by crook, odds are you’re having some struggles.
Especially if you have kids.
I have a 13yo who wants to go to college, despite the fact that his dad panics about being able to send him there. I have an 8yo who wants to join another flag football league. I have a wife who wants to travel with her kids before they stop wanting to be in the same room with her. I want to help them do all of those things and there isn’t a day that goes by that I’m not wondering how I can, and if I’ll be able to.
When you’re a parent, worrying about money is a full-time job. With (unpaid) overtime. Once you have people relying on you for food and shelter and clothing and literally everything else, having more money isn’t about luxury, it’s about living. It’s about security. It’s about safety. It’s about sleeping at night.
It’s the sigh of relief you’re always chasing, and that’s always out of reach.
It’s part of why I write this newsletter (subscribe!). It’s part of why I still post on Instagram every day. It’s part of why I wrote a book, and it’s a huge part of why I keep begging you to buy it! And I’m not alone. I don’t know many people who are comfortable enough to not have a so-called side hustle, or many people who don’t have some kind of challenge, something going on behind the scenes that requires more money than they have. It’s tough out there.
And I know I’m lucky!
I have a job that offers health benefits, so I haven’t had to start a GoFundMe for any unforeseen medical expenses. Yet.
But I also know if I ever get taken prisoner in a hostile foreign country, my 8yo has zero plans to acquire the skills necessary to lead a daring rescue mission to save me, so I need all the help I can get.
Social Media Round-up
Book, Launched!
Yesterday, my book officially hit the shelves. Everyone who pre-ordered it either got their copy in the mail or should be getting it soon, and everyone who waited will hopefully see it at their local bookstore. (If you do, send me a photo. I’ve never published a book before!)
This thing that has been theoretical to all of you for so long is finally real, and now, after months of telling you about it and teasing you with it, I finally get to hear what you think. So let me know, especially if you like it! And let the world know too, so they might be inspired to buy it!
Check out this five-star review someone left me on Good Reads! (There’s a two-star rating there too, but the dude didn’t write a review, so I’m pretty sure he’s just mad that I’m voting for Biden🤣.)
“Grabbed this book after following the author’s instagram @dadandburied for years. The book brings some of his familiar sarcastic humor and refreshingly honest look at parenting. I enjoyed hearing some of the personal antidotes he includes in the book about his own family, all of which are all too relatable to any parent that is in the trenches with young children.
A light, funny read for any parent and the perfect Father’s Day gift, especially for new or young dads. But even as a mom, I really enjoyed it and hearing a father’s perspective of all the crazy things us parents go through every day. I also love the way the book gives parents permission to not be perfect- a welcome change from all of the picture-perfect parent images and expectations we’re inundated with daily.
Would definitely recommend and give as a gift!”
So would I! And wouldn’t you know it, Father’s Day is coming up. And Mother’s Day is like next week or something? (I’ll have to check with my wife on that.) It’s definitely soon, and there’s nothing moms love more than a dad who admits he ain’t shit; DAD TRUTHS has that in spades! So get yours today!