I Like to Get Wet
We’ve made it to February, the shortest month of the year, which means that the longest month of the year is finally over: hasta la vista, Dry January! And just in time, too, because I actually have something to celebrate! But we’ll get to that in a bit (if you’re as impatient as my 7yo, you can skip to the Personal News section).
When I tell people I’m doing Dry Jan, the first question I get is “Why?” (Well, it’s more like “what the fuck are you doing that bullshit for?”) It’s because I’m fat and gross and need a reset, okay? Are you happy?
The second question is, “Why don’t you do it in February instead? It’s shorter!” I know February is shorter, I still have that stupid poem memorized. The point isn’t to make the month easier, though that would be nice; it’s to immediately and abruptly curb the excesses of the holiday season that began, if we’re being honest, around July 4th and ended on New Year’s Day. Dry January starts in January for the same reason the new year starts in January and everyone makes their resolutions in January: because the pope said so!
The third question, if I’m somehow still entertaining this rude jerk!, is “How?”, which is often followed by “Don’t you have kids?” I do have kids, though I sometimes wish I didn’t, not because I don’t love them (I swear!), but because it would be incredible to announce that I made them up for a decade of mid-level notoriety on social media.
Newsflash: it is possible to parent without alcohol. Is it ideal? Does the pope shit in the woods? (Does that mean yes or no? I honestly have no idea; a person who spends their time inventing calendars is capable of anything!) No, it’s not ideal, but it was fine. I lost a little weight, I had a little more pep in my step on weekend mornings, and I spent less money and was also a lot more bored. It wasn’t quite as fun to browse YouTube at midnight on Saturdays but we all make sacrifices!
If you must know, my motivations weren’t based in fear of dependency; most of my drinking is consigned to weekends after the kids are asleep and I no longer have the stamina to do much bingeing. I was just becoming a fat slob from all the delicious, delicious beer! Plus, at my age, whether I have one drink or seven, the next morning can be… unpleasant. And with kids hanging about, unpleasant is putting it lightly.
Anyway, I survived, and I even lost a few pounds merely swapping alcohol for water. The plan is to continue drinking water and to keep my beer consumption down, at least until the holiday season kicks of again this summer! Gotta get this dad-bod beach ready!
Social Round-up
Pop-Culture Stuff
I came up with that reel when I watched Aliens with my 12yo (he loved it!) Bad language and intense violence aside, the most adult movie he’s seen has to be The Fabelmans, which he saw over the weekend with a friend’s family. He liked it! Mom and Buried and I watched a screener of it ourselves (shouts to our friend J&F for letting us borrow it); I liked it a lot. Over the weekend we watched Babylon. I liked that less (the first hour was a lot of fun!). We also watched the Ron Swanson episode of The Last of Us, during which Mom and Buried sobbed uncontrollably and I… did not. (No shade, great episode, I’m just not a crier!)
On the book front, I finished Salem’s Lot and after reading that and The Shining, I need to take a break from Stephen King. But I am always trying to find scary books that actually scare me, and it’s rare that I succeed. A few years ago I read Paul Tremblay’s The Cabin at the End of the World, which was adapted into Knock at the Cabin, the upcoming M. Night movie. I hated the book (I liked A Head Full of Ghosts okay) but will gladly stream the movie when it hits my TV. While I wait for my hold on The Winners, the final book in Fredrik Backman’s Beartown Trilogy (huge fan of the first two) to come through, I’m going to check out Circe, a retelling of the life of the witch from The Odyssey, a la Wicked’s approach to the Wicked Witch of One of the Coasts (I can never remember which one). I’ll let you know what I think!
Music-wise I’m stuck in a rut - lots of 90s rock and hip-hop lately, along with the typical female singer/songwriters (Taylor, Chappelle Roan) - so send me your recs!
Personal News
This is getting really long, but I have to continue because I sort of buried the lede (I spell it that way because I’m pretentious and like to pretend I’m a journalist though the last time I was published in any kind of newspaper is when the Norwood/Canton Times ran my review of Mr. and Mrs. Smith omg I’m OLD!): I’m writing a book!
After years of half-baked ideas and half-finished pitches, a publisher finally came to me! The book will be about parenting (duh!), and it will sound like me (which will hopefully make it stand out from the rest of the books in the parenting section), and seeing as I haven’t written a single word yet, that’s about all I can tell you. But if you like me, then you’ll probably like the book. Eventually. When I start finish it.
And now the rub: if you’re interested in following along on what is sure to be an agonizing - and will hopefully be a fruitful - journey, I will be providing weekly updates via a PAID supplement to this newsletter! So if you want to know how it’s not going or what the book might look like or how badly I’m procrastinating, you can switch from free to paid and follow along with my Friday updates for paid subscribers only. This Wednesday edition will remain free, so don’t worry about missing out on whatever movies I’ve recently watched. You’ll be covered!
The paid posts will also include some archival links to old blog posts that may or may not be relevant to the book. And maybe some other stuff that I’ll figure out as I go along and/or you tell me you’d like to see because the (paid) customer is always right. So don’t be shy!
Thanks in advance! And no hard feelings if you don’t want to pay - but MAJOR hard feelings if you don’t buy the book. Seriously. I will be PISSED.
Congratulationssss 🙌🏼👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻You have one of the most catchy and unique writing styles I've ever read and I really do enjoy reading your writing. On top of the fact that You (and momandburied) are so relatable and hilarious. (her more than you) I am definitely looking forward to reading your book and hope I still have children who are actual kids by the time you're finished!! 🤣🤣
Scariest book ever, without a doubt: One Second After. There are many in the genre, but this is the first, the best, and the realest...which is why it will keep you up at night for the next six months.