I hate Mother’s Day.
There, I said it, and I’ll say it again: Mother’s Day sucks!
On Monday, my son was reading his Kindle when I suddenly heard him exclaim in surprise:
“Whoa, we’re getting a [gift name redacted]?!”
A notification had appeared on his Kindle alerting him that the Mother’s Day gift I bought my wife had shipped. The gift, like most gifts, was meant to be a surprise - FOR HER - that she opened this Sunday. It is no longer a surprise, because my son didn’t know it was a gift, and because my Amazon account is linked to his Kindle thanks to my parental controls, which supposedly prevent him from seeing porn but definitely don’t prevent premature celebration.
TL;DR: Mom and Buried’s Mother’s Day gift has been spoiled.
But that’s not why I hate Mother’s Day.
Before you freak out, let me add that I hate Father’s Day too.
My distaste for these holidays is not about hating moms and dads. (I mean, parents are annoying, myself included, but I don’t hate them!) It’s also not about dismissing the idea that parents deserve recognition and maybe a spa day or some grill accessories. Parents of all stripes deserve kudos and praise and gratitude; it’s a hard, often thankless job.
And I know that for many people, Hallmark-dedicated days like this Sunday are the only way they get any acknowledgement whatsoever. I literally just said “parenting is a thankless job,” especially for mothers.
There are a lot of moms who are taken for granted, who never have a day off, who never get a card or flowers or a dinner out or any kind of acknowledgement of how important they are to their families. That sucks, and I understand the need for Mother’s Day to force their kids and/or their husband to at least feign some appreciation. I get it. They deserve to be celebrated!
So yeah, I know why Mother’s Day exists, I just wish it didn’t - and didn’t have to! That’s partially my own “woke,” “I’m an enlightened and evolved 21st century man!” virtue signaling, for sure. “Moms should be celebrated every day all year long and shouldn’t have to rely on a special holiday for all their sacrifices and hard work to get noticed! Please like and subscribe.”
But some of it is pure selfishness too: I hate Mother’s Day because of all the pressure!
Yes, I get my wife gifts for Mother’s Day, like the one my son spoiled. I try to add an experience of some kind too, whether that be a dinner date or a night at a hotel (with or without me) or a picnic in the park with the kids (she’s one of those weird moms who actually like spending time with their kids on Mother’s Day, it’s very annoying). And yes, I feel pressure to deliver on those kinds of things. Not because I don’t do anything at all for her the rest of the year, not because I spend 364 days totally ignoring her contributions, and not because she demands all sorts of material tributes.
She doesn’t have to demand Mother’s Day gifts. The day demands them all on its own.
(And not necessarily for our mothers, but for our wives, aka, the mothers of our own children. Once you have kids, that’s who the holiday becomes about, and for a long while you can’t rely on your kids to be the ones delivering. Mine are still too young to do much besides consult on gifts or create some trinket in art class that will inevitably blow whatever I get out of the water - and won’t be spoiled by Amazon! - so while I try to incorporate them, it’s incumbent upon me to make sure the woman who gave me my precious children knows how much I appreciate it. God knows they won’t get the blame if I don’t!
Don’t get me wrong, I celebrate my mom on Mother’s Day too. I get her a card, I give her a call, and if I’m in town we’ll go to brunch or dinner or grill out on the deck. At this point in her life, she doesn’t care about gifts, she’s just happy to be around her family as much as possible. And she understands the shift in hierarchy. At least I think she does! Love you, Mom!)
The nature of the day itself demands a big show, and it would even if she got that big show every other weekend too (she doesn’t, because while I am not the world’s shittiest husband and dad, I’m also not the world’s best, or the world’s wealthiest!). Father’s Day does too, to an extent; I can’t speak for all dads, but my general energy and expectation levels allow for a much lower-key display. But I’m not great at gifts, and not exactly overflowing with disposable income, so trying to live up to the hype can be stressful as hell.
I don’t blame moms; I blame capitalism! (And Anna Jarvis, who created the holiday and then tried to walk it back due to some of my same complaints.)
Of course, ultimately this is on me and all the other dads, and kids, out there. Maybe if we did a better job of celebrating our wives and mothers throughout the year, we wouldn’t feel so overwhelmed by the second Sunday in May. Maybe if we crushed it all year long, every single Sunday, every single weekend, every single day, they’d repeal the holiday!
On second thought, maybe it’s actually easier if we keep it. 😬😬😬
Social Media Round-up
Pop Culture Stuff
This weekend, we’ll be watching whatever Mom and Buried wants and then some, if only to make up for the rest of the newsletter.
Can’t wait for the Moulin Rouge/Breakfast at Tiffany’s/Firefly Lane marathon! At least we can cap it off with Succession. Here’s hoping the Mother’s Day night episode doesn’t feature another Tom/Shiv Thunderdome match!
I Hate Mother's Day
Mother’s Day has always been emotionally charged, that’s for sure. My husband used to ignore it because “I’m not his mom.” A couple of years of that shit and I had to “advise” him of his mistaken ideas.