I’m no stranger to failure.
I’ve lost jobs, blown opportunities, missed chances. I was a Red Sox fan before it was cool and I’ve been a Dolphins fan way past when it was cool. I even blew a good shot at appearing on a televised game show once (though my teammates Jeff and Sujal share that blame! People don’t forget, guys).
Those all seemed like big deals at the time. And then I had kids.
Nothing makes you feel more like a failure than parenting, and no failures feel bigger than the ones you make with your kids. Especially when you don’t know how to fix them.
A few weeks ago, I wrote about the tough time my 12yo is having in middle school; some of it is the post-pandemic blues that are making an already fraught 6th and 7th grade experience even more difficult, some of it is ADHD, some of it is, frankly, punk-ass classmates. The combination of all of these things have really taken a toll on him, and he has manifested both anxiety and depression.
Mom and Buried and I take all of this very seriously, and are doing whatever we can to help him on multiple levels - following the guidance and expertise of doctors, therapists, school counselors, etc. - in an attempt to improve his circumstances and repair his psyche.
That’s not the fail. The fail is that he’s gotten to this point at all.
Years ago, on my blog, I wrote multiple posts about my fear that my own personality, which tends towards the sarcastic and cynical and negative, might rub off on my children. That sort of genetic trickle-down and/or environmental osmosis is an inevitable reality for all families, and there are times that my 12yo might as well be me - without the facial hair and hoodies. (It’s funny when your kids cutely copy your mannerisms, until they viciously use the sarcasm you’ve taught them against you.)
Somehow, despite my own (more typical) social struggles in middle school/high school, I never suffered from anxiety or depression. That doesn’t stop me from worrying that the personality traits he’s inherited have provided him with the perfect breeding ground for more severe problems. Some of that can’t be helped, the same way I couldn’t stop him from inheriting my pale skin (and my mom couldn’t stop me from inheriting hers!), but I can’t help but feel like if I’d been a better example - if I’d found a way to be less negative, and less cynical, and less sarcastic - he might be better off.
Every parent feels like a failure a lot of, if not most of, the time. It’s one of the fun perks of the gig! But not every kid struggles like my son has been, and not every dad is as bad at parenting as I am. So despite our best efforts to help Detective Munch and try to right his ship before it sets sail for the teenage wasteland, it’s impossible not to feel like I’ve been failing him since before he was even born.
Social Round-up
Pop Culture Stuff
The big pop culture item from the weekend was the Chris Rock special, and I’m sad to say I didn’t love it. There were some funny parts, for sure, but the anti-woke, pro-Elon bits were not my bag (even the title - Selective Outrage - is annoying as hell; this shit where comedians complain about people getting upset about stuff is tired) and regardless of where you stand on the “issue,” the trans portion of his act - which he kept couching in the ultimate “don’t get me wrong, I don’t have a problem with them!” bullshit - simply wasn’t funny. Nor did I think his big ending that focused on the Will Smith incident at the Oscars was all that amazing, especially after he flubbed a bit of it. Oh well.
Speaking of the Oscars, which are on this Sunday (and are annoyingly up against the Last of Us finale!): I have seen all of the Best Picture nominees - except All Quiet on the Western Front. Our of the mandated 10 nominees, there are five movies I’d be happy to see win - Tar, Banshees, The Fablemans, Maverick, and Everything Everywhere All at Once - which is actually pretty good! But if Baz Luhrmann ever wins Best Picture I will go BERSERK.
This isn’t pop culture stuff but I don’t have a beer section (yet!), so I’ll put it here: I recently had a new (to me) imperial IPA from local Brooklyn brewery Other Half - the Double Dry-Hopped All Citra Everything - that was quite good!
Personal News
The Hammer doesn’t have COVID! (We thought he did, and with Mom and Buried’s system, that would not have been good news, but we dodged that bullet.) Instead he has pneumonia! But he’s fine. And he’s allergic to penicillin! But, again, he’s fine. We noticed a rash after a few days and went back to the doctor for a new prescription and now, after missing nearly a week of school and severely complicating our schedules, he’s well on his way to a full recovery.
That’s about all I got for “personal news.” In fact, I think I’m gonna make this more of a miscellaneous section. Maybe I’ll put beer stuff here sometimes. Any other suggestions?
I feel the parent failure all the time. My kids are the same age as yours, and I'm frequently wondering if it's too late to undo any of the crap I've already passed on to them. I guess we just have to try to do better going forward.