Antisocial Media

Wow, that's a clever title! Plus, my teenager's Dad-guided tour into rock'n'roll

Last week, I wrote in praise of social media. Or in praise of one aspect of it: the ability it has to bring people together via shared experience, regardless of their other circumstances.

Today, however, I come to bury it.

Just kidding, Elon is already doing that!

But I do want to trash it a bit. I mentioned that I’d shared, in one of my sporadic breaks from hilarious venting, an actually sincere question about how to help keep my ADHD-burdened 13yo to stay on task with various basic everyday habits. Or things that should be habits to most non-teenaged, non-ADHD people.

As I said, I was actually being sincere! I was frustrated, after yet another morning/day/week/month of his absent-mindedness, forgetfulness, lack of focus, lack of follow-through, etc. etc. In short, because of his ADHD.

Turns out a lot of people have ADHD or kids with it (which I knew), and a lot of those people are on Threads (which I didn’t know)! So I got a lot of helpful, empathetic, well-meaning responses from parents with similar struggles, ADHDers who offered their perspective, and experts with genuine insight. When I wrote last week’s post, I focused on those positives.

But I also got a lot of the typical nonsense social media is known for: obnoxious assumptions, condescending replies, bizarre leaps, and ignorant judgment.

So many people suggested it was purely his teenhood that made for his struggles, which isn’t exactly wrong but is an annoyingly incomplete assessment. I know all about teenagers. I was one once, believe it or not, and besides, the stereotypes about them are everywhere, and, I hate to say it, fairly accurate. They are slobs, they do ignore/forget our many requests to pick up after themselves, they often get locked into video games/their phones, they tend to minimize the need for basic personal hygiene. But while the behaviors I listed might be attributable to his age alone, there are plenty that I didn’t list that aren’t.

I didn’t have space—or the desire—to list every single struggle I have parenting my kid, so I listed the immediate ones that were fresh in my mind, some of which have some overlap. But my son was diagnosed with ADHD years ago, and believe it or not, I can tell the difference! Shockingly, I know my son, having lived with, interacted with, and cared for him *checks notes* every single day of his entire life. The constant obliviousness of assuming someone else doesn’t have a baseline awareness/common knowledge of the most general tenets of whatever topic they’re posting about—that only they, the anonymous social media user, have the magical wisdom and intellect to solve everything, usually by self-righteously yelling the most painfully obvious idea or solution at you—is downright infuriating. Especially when it comes to a parent talking about their kids.

At least one person suggested I speak with my kid about his behavior and see what might help, which was pretty fucking groundbreaking. TALK TO MY CHILD? 🤯🤯🤯 I didn’t know that was even possible! Usually I slide his meals through the slot on his locked steel his door, and when I do let him out for his 15 minutes of exercise in the prison yard, he’s not allowed to speak. But thanks for the idea, Dr. Spock.

Am I being prickly here? Of course I am; have we met? I know there’s no way these strangers could have all this context - that my son has a verifiable ADHD diagnosis, that I am familiar with his personality and behavior and habits, that we are allowed to interact and speak to each other without the presence of a lawyer, etc. etc. - but that’s what’s so frustrating about social media. Everyone always assumes the worst of everyone else.

Everyone always jumps to the worst conclusion, or takes the most basic “I know better” stance, without giving others the benefit of the doubt. (The best genre of reply guy are the ones who mansplain something to an expert in the field and then get properly owned by said expert, as the kids say). Hey fellas! God (not really) gave us two ears and one mouth for a reason! Unfortunately, he also gave those morons two hands with which to type.

Thankfully, I have two feet to shove up their stupid asses.

The fact is that Threads (and every other platform) has a character limit, and people on social media have short attention spans. Most people, myself included, are not in the habit of adding every single bit of context to the things they post or in adding disclaimers to jokes to assure that every possible question and objection is covered off. That’s both completely impossible and unimaginably boring.

I try to keep it pithy, usually in the service of my dumb jokes (which also get misinterpreted and contradicted and idiot-splained back to me), and I am used to getting pushback on just abut everything I post. Usually it doesn’t bother me. But when someone jumps to the conclusion that I don’t have the wherewithal to do the most basic parenting, or the common sense of understanding baseline teen behavior, it pisses me off.

None of this is new information for anyone who has been online for even a small amount of time. It’s just the way it is. And I’m not the kind of guy to get all weepy and ask why we can’t all get along. I know why: a lot of us are awful. But for some reason, social media provokes us into broadcasting that awfulness to the world.

Hell, I’m being pretty awful right now, but this is a newsletter so it doesn’t count.

Social Media Round-up

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Dad and Buried on Instagram: “Getting them out is even harder than going down stairs on quaaludes #backtoschool #holidaysareover #wolfofwallstreet”

January 10, 2024

Pop Culture Stuff

I finally saw OPPENHEIMER! And… I wish I had seen it on the big screen, if not actual IMAX. Regardless, I thought it was pretty great, and moves remarkably fast. This is not a stodgy biopic! The first hour, in which the film traces Oppenheimer’s quick ascent in the scientific community, features in-world cameos by a bunch of legendary scientists (some of whom I only know by name, because I am not a science guy, but they’re big names!), and a ton of recognizable actors in small parts.

The second hour features the big test sequence - which is where the lack of a movie theater screen really diminishes the spectacle - and the last hour is a lot of talking in pseudo-courtroom scenes. But when the talking is being done by people like Robert Downey Jr., it’s never less than riveting. I liked it a lot - and would like to see it again. (I think most movies would benefit from two viewings!) Unfortunately it’s 3 hours long and I still haven’t seen KILLERS OF THE FLOWER MOON or DEAD RECKONING!

In music news, last week I shared the books I’ve been reading (or meaning to), and I’m always on the lookout for new concerts. But until then, I’ve been building a sort of “beginner’s rock” playlist for my 13-year-old, via Spotify. He is sick of hearing Taylor Swift (my fault) and Phoebe Bridgers/boygenius (I’m a fan but Mom and Buried tends to lean on them as background music), and I’m more than happy to help him.

Now that he’s out of elementary school, he’s past the damn Imagine Dragons and is ready to take the normal path to rock appreciation: you start with the entry-level safety stuff, like Steve Miller, then you get into classic rock (actual classic rock like Zep and The Who and etc., as opposed to GnR, which is rock but certainly not classic rock, I will FIGHT him), and then you maybe hit U2 on your way to grunge. (He’s not enough of a teen for The Cure’s immediate ecosystem, and I’ll probably let him get to REM and other 80s college rock on his own.) I’m also doing my best to force some Pixies and Pavement down his throat, and he’s probably heard enough Spoon and The Strokes by now to want to rebel against my tastes.

Long story short the playlist I’m making is all over the place. Rock may be mostly dead in 2024 but there’s a lot more to work through than there was when I was his age! I’m doing my best to give him a proper foundation. Wish me luck! Eventually he’ll ditch it all and get into rap, like every kid these days, which is fine, but if he gets into house music I will disown him IMMEDIATELY.

Anyway, let me know if you want me to make the list shareable. It’s a living organism because I’m old and only remember half the artists/songs I want him to hear while I’m actually listening to it.