ADHDeez Nuts!
Middle-schoolers, impulse control, and bad jokes
Of all the challenges my son’s ADHD presents, I never thought one of them would be deez nuts!
Let me explain.
Last year, when he entered middle school, my oldest son began assaulting me with variations of the classic “deez nuts” joke – and others like it - pretty much nonstop. As a grown man who was once a boy himself, I am positive I am not the only parent who has dealt with such an onslaught. I’ve even posted about it – on Twitter, on Instagram – and gotten plenty of corroboration from moms and dads all over the internet whose kids are loaded-up with these awful jokes we’ve all heard a million times.
Tweens and teens love juvenile humor (please don’t make me explain “ligma”), which makes sense seeing as they’re literally juveniles! They’re exploring jokes and discovering their senses of humor, and they’re testing boundaries. Some of them are better at it than others. Kids with ADHD are often worse, and not just when it comes to jokes.
Over the past five or so years since he was diagnosed, Mom and Buried and I have learned that some of that stuff goes part and parcel with ADHD and how it affects executive functioning. ADHD can hamper communication skills, due to inattentiveness and hyperactivity, but also because of increased impulsivity and a ‘quieter’ internal dialogue (or brain coach). They get impatient waiting for their turn to speak, they interrupt and talk fast in order to ensure they get their thoughts out, they interrupt, they blurt, etc. It can make for tricky interactions.
Kids with ADHD might have some trouble picking up on social cues and knowing when it is and isn’t appropriate to make a joke and might also have trouble stopping themselves from speaking when they shouldn’t.
Of course, if you’ve ever met a tween, or a teen tbh, you already know that impulse control and social/emotional awareness aren’t always their strong suit, and that behaving outrageously or disruptively or telling “cringey” jokes definitely isn’t limited to those with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder. But we are trying to be aware of the extra challenges ADHD brings, and sometimes heairng him deploy the typical middle-school humor that many kids his age can’t get enough of makes those challenges stand out.
It’s not like my son is Andrew Dice Clay-ing it up in school or anything (there’s no way his arms are long enough to do the behind-the-back cigarette drag anyway!), but knowing what we know about 12-year-old boys, we’re staying vigilant.
The truth is, he’s still learning how to be himself, how to fit in, and who he wants to fit in with. It’s hard for everyone, but ADHD can make an already tough road even tougher. We’re confident he’ll figure it out as he goes, like we’re all forced to; being a kid is just one long and delightful game of trial-and-error!
Unfortunately he won’t get much guidance from me – I’m middle-aged and still haven’t learned out how to be appropriate in public!
Social Round-Up
Pop Culture Stuff
I mentioned last week that I started a new book, Circe, which reimagines the backstory of the witch from The Odyssey (she turned Odysseus’s friends into pigs, remember?), sort of the way Wicked reinvented the Wicked Witch. I am really enjoying the book, but I love mythology.
On the movie-front, Mom and Buried and I tried Netflix’s You People which, despite a great cast, tried really hard to be funny and wasn’t, not even unintentionally, which seems impossible. It simply wasn’t entertaining and we didn’t get past the first hour.
My kids love video games, and my 12yo is definitely on his way to being a straight-up gamer, but I rarely have the time or interest, so it was noteworthy that he finally got me to play golf on the Switch. I dominated, of course, and it devolved into arguing as I tried to help him with his swing and he refused even the slightest bit of constructive criticism, and now I probably won’t play it with him ever again. Hooray!
I didn’t watch the Grammys but I do know that Spoon got robbed!
Personal News
My wife used to do marketing for the musical adaptation of Wicked (which is probably the only version anyone is even aware of anymore; I bet you didn’t even know it was a book first!) and last week she took Detective Munch to see it on Broadway. He loved it, as I probably would have at his age, despite the fact that musicals make me uncomfortable 🤣).
When I was a kid, my parents took me to Broadway three times: to see Cats (I LOVED it but i was like 9), Phantom (I LOVED it but I was like 10), and Les Mis (I HATED it - so boring at that age - but I grew to love the cast recording as I got older - Eponine’s voice ftw!). I am not a musicals guy - I like the Hamilton soundtrack - as any woke white guy must - and the Buffy musical get off me - so I am thrilled Mom and Buried has a new ally she can drag to shows I don’t want to see!
I launched the Friday edition of this newsletter, which is being reserved for book updates (yes, I’m writing a book). You’ll need to pay a bit to get those updates, which, sorry, but also, please pay a little bit? I promise they’ll be entertaining, and if you have any interest at all in what my book is going to be about and/or hearing me whine about how difficult it is to write a book, you’ll love it!
And finally, for all the reasons detailed in the newsletter (ADHD, bad jokes, musicals, video game arguments, writing a book), February has not been “dry.”
Thank god for that! See you Friday (I hope), when I promise to explain what my book will be about!
My house has been FILLED with "Deez Nuts" and "ligma" comments/jokes for many, many months now. My head hurts on more or less a constant basis.