October is National Bullying Prevention Month, which surprises me because I thought today’s kids were too woke to be bullies!
Just kidding. I have two of today’s kids, and in my 13 years as a parent, I’ve seen plenty of bullying. In elementary school, which surprised me, and in middle school, which didn’t, especially in the post-pandemic, two-plus-years-of-remote-schooling era, after which tweens and teens emerged even more feral than usual.
Bullying is a thing and will always be a thing, regardless of the decade, generation, culture, whatever. Even a magical reindeer got bullied! Humans (and reindeer) are jerks and kids (and reindeer kids) are dicks; it is what it is.
But not all of them are.
Over the weekend, my teenager had a few of his friends over for his birthday party. We took them to an escape room (which ended in a paint bomb explosion!), then back home for video games, pizza, cake, a few impromptu “I’m just Ken” singalongs, more video games, and a late night showing of Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
I didn’t participate in any of that because they’re teenagers and they want me around even less than I want to be around them (and that’s saying something!). But Mom and Buried and I observed the festivities from a safe distance, and what we saw made us happy.
If you’re subscribed to this newsletter, you already know that my son’s post-pandemic middle school experience has not been great. His ADHD causes academic challenges, his anxiety causes emotional challenges, and the middle school atmosphere causes social challenges - for everyone his age.
As we’ve stressed to our son over and over, he is not alone in feeling self-conscious and nervous and worried about being cool; every single kid, no matter how confident they appear, is dealing with the same insecurities. It’s natural. Everybody wants to fit in, no one wants to be singled out, and they’re (we’re!) all just trying to survive!
The key is finding people to weather the storms with.
From the beginning, we’ve encouraged Detective Munch to focus on the stuff he likes to do, and find like-minded kids who like to do those same things. We’ve encouraged him to find a niche, find a hobby, and, most importantly, find his tribe.
Finding people with similar interests, similar personalities, similar struggles is one of the central preoccupations of being alive, no matter what stage of life you’re in. And never is finding simpatico sidekicks more important than in middle school, when you’re growing more independent and less reliant on - and interested in being around - your parents.
Everyone needs a tribe. There is strength in numbers, and more than that, there is solidarity too! Having a crew doesn’t solve every problem, but it sure helps you get through them.
I’m happy to say that after a successful—if loud, and long, and messy—sleepover party, my son may have found the beginnings of a tribe. Or at least a good group of kids that should help stabilize things as he continues to navigate middle school and come into his own.
Here’s hoping!
One thing’s for sure: the next sleepover party is being held at some other tribe member’s house!
Social Round-up
Pop Culture Stuff
It was a busy, rainy weekend. Friday was spent cleaning up after the flooding from those insane rainstorms, Saturday was spent chaperoning a bunch of teens for my son’s sleepover party, and Sunday was spent watching the Dolphins surrender their early season momentum with what I hope is a well-needed wake-up call.
But Spooktober has begun, and we kicked it off with The Conjuring, which my 13-year-old loved and found legitimately scary (as opposed to A Nightmare on Elm Street, which he’d been begging to watch but was too dated and goofy for him).
As previously mentioned, Mom and Buried (and sometimes Detective Munch, if it’s not too intense) spend this month watching as many scary movies as we can, and I do my best to curate a mix of classics (The Shining, Rosemary’s Baby, Halloween), recent favorites (Hereditary, The Babadook, It Follows, Doctor Sleep - director’s cut only!), nostalgic gems (The Lost Boys, Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors), and some schlock, like Lights Out, which we watched last night and has some really effective jump-scares and a really idiotic backstory. At least it was only 85 minutes!
I have a list of movies to watch but I’m always looking for suggestions, so please send them my way! Be warned: I’ve probably seen it already, and I much prefer atmospheric psychological horror to gory slashers.
Surprise me with your recommendations in the comments!