Today is my 7-year-old’s 100th day of school this year, which has inexplicably become a sort of holiday somehow. Do other schools do this? I don’t remember anyone caring about this when I was a kid.
His class is celebrating by having a fashion show - all the kids were asked to wear a shirt with 100 somethings on it to indicate the days and then they’ll all walk down a runway to show them off - even the boys!!! I fully expect Ron DeSantis and Marjorie Taylor Greene to begin demonstrating against this outrageous practice any minute now!
'“wHy Do YoU hAvE tO mAkE iT pOlItIcAl?" I follow you for funny parenting jokes and memes and your takes on mediocre romantic comedies that came out 25 years ago (see below) WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM, BRO?!”
Sorry, sorry! Not for bringing up political shit - as I’ve explained plenty of times before, everything is political these days, especially parenting! - but for derailing the 100 Days of School thing to talk about it. But it’s on my mind...
Last week, I posted something on Instagram about the devil not being real - because the devil isn’t real no matter how many popstars dress up like him - and people got mad at me. Religious people getting mad at me is fine, I suppose it was a little insensitive to question their beliefs, no matter how absurd I find the idea of an actual devil living underneath the world and tempting us with Turkish delight or whatever just to get back at his old boss.
But I also referenced “lunatic conservatives” in the post, because this country has far too many lawmakers who attempt and often successfully enact laws and policies based around their beliefs, which is dangerous and scary and not how it’s supposed to work (even though it’s pretty much always how it’s worked and we all need to stop fooling ourselves about this country’s history, the problem today is just that those people who use to be on the fringe now have an outsized amount of power thanks to all the dark money and right-wing media’s stranglehold on the middle of the country) which led to a whole rash of comments about how I’m ruining my page and alienating my audience by veering from comedy and talking about politics. (I’m pretty sure I’m the first person to ever mix the two things!)
First of all, I’ve always used my page to talk about real life, including political issues (any parent who doesn’t think these issues are a part of parenting or impact our kids lives and futures are exactly the kind of people who put the wrong people in charge), just not as often as I use it to complain about parenting and make fun of my kids. It’s my page, I can use it however I like!
Second, I’m not a moron; I’m TRYING to alienate the people in my audience who get mad when I post this stuff. If you think controlling women’s bodies is cool and banning books is a good idea and drag queens are more dangerous than assault rifles and democrats are Satan-worshipping, blood-drinking pedophiles and Jesus hates LGBTQ people, I don’t want you hanging around my page spewing nonsense in my comments. #sorrynotsorry!
I don’t ban people and I don’t block people, everybody is welcome, and if you’re annoyed that one out of every 100 posts is a little too serious for your liking, that’s fine (I mean, you should just grow up and scroll to my next joke, but it’s fine). But I’m not going to change what I think or post because you get mad at me. I’m all for open dialogue until I you make it clear that you watch Newsmax and OAN and actually believe Tucker Carlson (or even believe that Tucker Carlson believes Tucker Carlson). There’s no such thing as dialogue with people who ‘do their own research’ only their own research is just FoxNews talking points that are designed to make you afraid so they can keep electing hateful, astonishingly hypocritical people who want nothing but more power and more money. Good day, sir!
Anyway, my 7-year-old loves snakes, so Mom and Buried spent Valentine’s Day sticking 100 snake stickers to a white t-shirt for the kid to wear in his 100 Day Fashion show. It was fun and he loved the shirt even though he was terrified to walk fast or bend his arms or do much of anything for fear the stickers would fall off.
Fun fact: one of the snake stickers had a small pentagram-looking symbol on it and Mom and Buried colored over it because while I’m fine dealing with psycho evangelicals screaming about indoctrination on my IG page, my 7-year-old isn’t as down with it.
Social Round-Up
Here’s that post again because I’m nothing if not a glutton for punishment.
Pop Culture Stuff
Happy Valentine’s Day! Mom and Buried and I celebrated by exchanging bottles of booze and giving the kids chocolate fondue (after she’d finished with all the snake stickers, of course). Then we watched You’ve Got Mail.
Before you make any assumptions, it was my call. I’d never seen it, and I’ve heard there’s a dedicated cult who prefer it to Sleepless in Seattle, which I enjoy, so I wanted to give it a shot (my wife HAD seen it, and hated it, and was irritated that I wanted to watch it, and guess what? She was right!
What a strange movie. The Joe Fox character has to be the biggest jerk Tom Hanks has ever played, right? I don’t want to spoil it for anyone but suffice it to say that he’s a scumbag and a liar throughout the entire movie and still gets the girl. And wtf is up with his family? His dad - Dabney Coleman! - is a 70-something serial cheater with a 4-year-old and his grandfather inexplicably has a 12-year-old daughter? There’s literally a scene in which 40yo Hanks has to explain that the 12yo is his aunt and the 4yo is his brother and it has ZERO BEARING on the rest of the story. What is happening?
Dave Chappelle and Parker Posey are totally wasted, the passage of time in the movie makes no sense (the fake Barnes and Noble superstore goes from construction to immaculate and bustling within a month!), and also, AOL, lolz. Has anyone ever thought about this movie this much?
I watched the new Marc Maron stand-up special. I like Maron, I listen to his podcast a lot, we have fairly similar personas/takes. Some funny bits but I didn’t love the special.
Personal News
I have no news! Let’s see what I can do here…
I lost about 1000 followers for my devil post but I’ve already gained most of them back. Yay!
I sold my broken-down car for a pittance and now we need a new one. Boo!
We’re going upstate for a few days for the kids mid-winter break next week. Fun!
I lost my primary freelance writing gig and need another one so let me know if you know of anything! Help!
Book update coming Friday, but here’s a tease: I haven’t written anything in a week and I’m scared! Seriously.