Happy Father’s Day Week, gentlemen!
(I know what you’re thinking: Father’s Day Week? What is this clown talking about? Everyone knows Father’s Day Week starts ON Father’s Day and lasts until next Sunday! Duh!)
Mom and Buried is still asking me what I want, but with a full seven days to celebrate me, I’m fine if that means a gift or two comes late. To help her out, I’m finally going to tell her.
It’s pretty simple: I WANT SOME DAMN RESPECT.
A demand for respect may sound weird, coming from a cishet white male in America, seeing as we’ve been in pole position for quite a while now, but it’s not, for two reasons:
1) nobody is more entitled than the cishet white male in America, nobody is less aware of their entitlement than the cishet white male in America, and nobody demands more despite doing less (and having more) than the cishet white male in America.
2) if there’s one arena in which guys like me truly don’t get respect, it’s parenthood.
And for good reason: we’re not that good at it!
But we’re getting there.
This Father’s Day, in the year of Our Lord Harrison Butker 2024, it’s time we are recognized for our almost there-ness!
Who cares that we’re not as good at parenting? We just started doing it! Plus, it’s harder for us on several levels, from a biological inability to breastfeed to the debilitating man flu and the genetic scourge of male pattern blindness; we deserve credit for fighting through these limitations. Frankly, I think it’s fantastic that so many more of us are even attempting to do it, let alone almost sort of pulling it off.
And lest you think I’m just another dad expecting praise for the bare minimum, let me reassure you: this is a victory for moms too.
After decades of fighting and centuries of struggle and generations of grabbing for equality in these parenting wars, you moms finally have what you want: we dads are finally involved! And some us even want to be involved! Mind-blowing, I know. Even more bizarre? Some of us are actually pretty good at it, sometimes! This Father’s Day Week, let’s celebrate that mediocrity.
For literal millennia, moms have been the primary parent. It’s baked into their beings, much in the way children are baked inside their tummies (sorry). Women have been expected to parent —and have excelled at it— from day one. Which isn’t to say that dads haven’t been vital to the family unit, it just typically wasn’t by nurturing and caring for children the way moms are expected to.
That’s starting to change. Dads today are are more invested in parenting than ever! We’re more likely to change diapers, attend school functions, take the middle-of-the-night feedings, suffer through awkward playdates, and do everything else that moms do and have always done (give or take the birthing and the breastfeeding). We may still blow it a fair amount of the time, but we’re trying!
Unfortunately, trying is merely half the battle. Actually performing is the rest of the battle, and that’s easier said than done. Performing well is even harder.
No, we can’t give birth or breastfeed, but that’s not our fault (what I wouldn’t GIVE for a nice pair of breasts!) No, we’re not great at dressing our kids in matching outfits (many of us are colorblind, don’t shame!) No, we’re not as good at snuggling, as my 8yo loves to remind me (sorry my dad bod isn’t dad-boddy enough for you, jerk!)
So yeah, when it comes to getting the job done, dads definitely have a lot of catching up to do, but I think we can all agree that we’re not as bad as we used to be.
Don’t get me wrong: like I said, some of us are truly are good at it, if I do say so myself. So long as by “it" we’re talking about wanting to be involved in parenting, and making sure to be around much more than fathers of previous generations, and caring about being a good parent. And I think that is the “it” we’re talking about, because when it comes to being good at this, mom or dad, it truly is the thought that counts.
Not entirely, of course, but for the most part I think that’s true. If you love your kids and want to be there for your kids and want to be more involved in their daily lives than your parents did, and, if you’re a dad who wants to share more of the load than fathers have typically been expected to carry for most of human existence, then that’s a good thing. And even if you suck at it, your kids—and your wife—can tell that you care, and that you’re trying.
And for that, we… don’t deserve much.
I mean, wtf took us so long? Moms have been doing everything forever and they’re lucky to get breakfast in bed that they have to clean up!
We know. We get it. But everyone needs encouragement, and this weekend we wouldn’t hate a funny mug and/or a couple of beers.
We’ve come a long way, baby, and we know we’ve still got a long way to go. But if you keep plying us with ties and BBQ tongs, there’s no telling where we’ll be, come next Father’s Day Week.
Heck, soon enough, we might even be the ones the school nurse calls when the kids are sick. Tell me that’s not worth celebrating!
Happy Father’s Day!
Social Media Round-up
The “Truths” is Out There!
Get it? Because my book is called “Dad Truths”?
(Look, I’ve been shilling this thing for two months now, I’m running out of material. Yesterday I even posted about it on LinkedIn. LinkedIn! People who’ve fired me can see that shit. Desperate times, my friends.)
When you have a book listed on Amazon, one of the fun things it lets you do is see how your book is selling via their “Sales Rank” tool. An even more fun thing to do is obsess over that ranking and refresh it multiple times a day in the hopes that your meager little book about parenting might somehow, some way, break out of the five-digit ranking zone—if you’re lucky enough for it to get to five digits!
Right now, my book is ranked #53,290. It’s peak, so far, was #35,316. Yesterday it was the 35,316th most popular book on Amazon (yesterday; thanks LinkedIn!). Which is great! I mean it’s objectively not “great” but it’s better than the 715,000+ books that are behind it. And it’s definitely better than when it was ranked 694,389th back in May.
I’m hoping we can get it into the 20,000s, and maybe even the four-digit range! But being as the book is probably best positioned as a gift, and Father’s Day Week is already just about here, we might have to wait until Christmas to really move the needle. Unless you crazy bastards buy it in bulk right now!
Do you believe in miracles?!